On coping: Why adjusting to change is challenging (and how to tell when you’re not coping)

By Joyce Chong

Change. It’s everywhere, and particularly so at the start of each year. Some changes are ones we have sought out, including starting a new job or studies, migration, or making healthy lifestyle changes (hello New Year’s resolutions!). Some are changes that we may find ourselves swept up in, whether we wished them or not, for example relationship breakdowns, losing loved ones, or unexpected health diagnoses. Change isn’t always easy, and when the only constant is that change will occur, how can we navigate change?  

In this article we’ll cover:

• Moments of change in life (triggers and transition points in life) and the psychological challenges that they bring

• Signs you’re not adjusting well to change

• What are some ways to handle change? (our tips to help you cope)

MOMENTS OF CHANGE IN LIFE

Whether a change has been actively sought out or imposed upon you, there are unique psychological challenges that come with different moments change. These include:

Changes to your work or studies (e.g. starting new, restructures)

Given that work and studies take up such a large portion of your time is it any wonder that changes to your work or study routine can have a profound impact? Starting any new job or study course/degree brings with it a chance to step into a new role and environment, meet new people, and get used to new ways of doing things. It may even be your first job post-studies, or you may be returning to work or studies after a prolonged break.

Similarly, uncertainty regarding your job security - where the only certainty is that there will be change - can threaten your status, social connections, financial status, and future plans. This is more pronounced if you’ve been in a stable holding pattern for several years and are unaccustomed to change in this domain.

Psychological challenges that may accompanying changes with work or studies include stress, overwhelm when getting your head around your new role, Imposter Syndrome, perfectionism, and potentially loneliness. Underlying anxiety may even flare up due to the uncertainty and unpredictability of you situation.

Relationship changes - Starting, accelerating, or ending

Dating, mating, relating, and separating - these all bring ups and downs at each stage of the relationship.

• When you’re getting to know someone and building a relationship, you bring together different values and ways of seeing the world. Adjusting to a new person’s perspective, and taking them into consideration, can change your own world view.

• When a relationship picks up speed, your life becomes more entwined with the other person, which means changes to your daily routine. Other changes such as moving in together, or getting married, can also bring about significant change as you adapt to being in each other’s presence for prolonged periods of time.

• When a relationship ends, there can be an immense loss felt. Now, no longer is the other person present in your life, but this loss also represents changes to your daily routine, social connections, and perhaps even changes to your financial status.

In response to relationship changes you may experience a whole host of different emotions - happiness, frustration, anger, denial, sadness, grief, and also loneliness. Changes in romantic relationships also have a ripple effect on other relationships in your life.

Losing a loved one

Loss is never easy and it can leave a gaping hole in your life when a loved one passes away. Sadness, injustice, anger, denial, grief, or depression are just some of the feelings that accompany loss, as may a sense of helplessness and hopelessness about the future.

Migration – Interstate and Overseas

Upending your life and moving it to a different physical location is a huge change as you navigate a new environment, new friendships, and new routines.

Whilst this may be an exciting period, it can also bring about stress as you establish yourself in your new home. It’s common to experience culture shock, adjustment difficulties, financial strain, and even grief at the loss of your old habitat, lifestyle, and identity.

Becoming a parent

Becoming a parent is one of the most significant changes you can experience, as you’re now in charge of a new being! Throw in major changes to your daily routine, changing relationships with partners and friends, changing identity, and shifting finances, and it’s easy to see why this type of change has such a profound impact on your life.

Whilst this can be a time of great joy, it can also be accompanied by psychological challenges such as stress adjusting to change, loss of identity, changes to self-esteem, postnatal anxiety and depression, or even guilt and regret.

Significant health diagnoses

Receiving a significant health diagnosis can bring a whole host of changes – uncertainty, different lifestyle habits, different routines as you undergo treatment, potential financial strain, and even changes to your relationships with others.

The psychological impact of significant health diagnoses are not to be underestimated – anger, injustice, denial, grief, fear, anxiety, and depression are all very real emotions that arise during this period.

As you can see, change is an inevitable part of life, but growth in your new circumstances is optional. Some embrace it and grow with it, but others fight it and struggle to cope. So how do you know if you’re not coping with change?

When coping comes undone: Signs you’re not adjusting well to change

Given that change is inevitable, and that it brings with it a host of different emotions, it’s okay not to feel okay. However, here are some signs that you’re not adjusting well to change:

• If you’re in denial that the change is occurring

• If you’re coping in unhelpful ways that are designed purely to distract you from what’s going on (e.g. excessive alcohol and drug use, shopping, gambling)

• If the negative emotions are disproportionate to expected reactions of the situation

• If your negative emotions (anger, anxiety, sadness, depression) are prolonged, remain intense, and interfere with your ability to function how you usually would.  

If the above seems to fit with what you’re experiencing, be sure to speak to someone to support you through this period of adjustment (if you’re in Perth you can contact us! Our team can help you navigate changes such as relationship breakdowns, migration and homesickness, or adjustment to changes at work).

What’s are some ways to handle change?

There is no one best way to handle change, but there is a way to not handle change, and that is denial. Everyone goes through change differently, but here are some of our tips for a time of adjustment:

• Understand what is within your control and what is beyond your control, and focus your energy and efforts on what is within your control. For example, you may not be able to change your health diagnosis, but you can look at making positive lifestyle changes to ease its impact.

• As for things that are beyond your control, practise acceptance as to the reality of the situation rather than stay stuck in anger and denial.

• Practise self-compassion. Change can be unsettling, and expecting yourself to soldier on ‘as normal’ in the face of significant change is to have unrealistic expectations of yourself. Rather, show yourself some kindness - as you would to a loved one - during this challenging time in your life.

• Focus on building up your physical and emotional reserves to offset the impact of the change. Change can bring significant stress and throw you off your regular self-care routine (these are often the first things to go!), so be sure not to neglect this.

• Look for the lessons and gifts during these periods of change - through reflection you may experience greater appreciation of what you do have and what remains constant in your life during a period of change.

If you’d like some additional tips you can grab our list on 7 Tips to Help you Cope with Stress and Overwhelm (see below). Alternatively, contact us to book in for some one-on-one assistance to help you manage change better.